Coming out of the Spiritual Closet

Coming out of the Spiritual Closet

For a long time, I’ve kept myself in the spiritual closet, feeling I couldn’t speak about the things that make me light up. Why? Because of fear. Fear of being judged and fear of persecution.

See, I was eight I went through Catechism for Catholics. At the time (i’m not sure if they still do) you had to do confession with a Priest. So I take my confession and he asks me to confess my sins. I told him I didn’t have any. I mean what eight-year-old is a sinner? I don’t believe in the dogma that’s written by men. Sorry for you hardcore religious people out there. 

It’s time for me to share my truth, my story. And through my journey, I’ve experienced GOD deeper than most people that attend church weekly. How do I know? I’ve had conversation after conversation with different people from devout religious organizations.

So the priest probes me and says to tell him something I’ve kept a secret and never told anyone.

I had to really think about it. What don’t I share? Ah, I can see and speak to spirits or ghost I told him.

The horror that came out of this man’s mouth. He asked, “Are you a devil worshiper?”

“No,” I said with tears streaming down my face.

“Well, only devil worshipers can do that.” Those words ring in my ears. Like a mantra that drills into my soul.

I remember sobbing and having the fear of God placed in me by a human, a mere man. As an adult, I realize that is not someone who is in alignment with God. Not then and not now.

As an adult, I’ve learned most children are closer to God than most adults I’ve ever met. They don’t need to be taught. But as adults, we need to spend time with years of unlearning.

So needless to say I did my best to cut off all the parts of me that made me, me. It’s like severing a part of your heart when you are condemned as a child. I succeeded for a short time until I was in my 20’s and it all started flooding back. You can only cut yourself off from yourself for so long until you shrivel up and die. A lot of people are dying and this is a huge part of this equation.

And it’s only recently that I’m starting to share my stories and really own my light. For I’ve kept myself quiet and in the dark for the majority of my life. Now is the time (it has been for a long time) to come out of the spiritual closet I’ve kept myself hidden in. As it is for many who will read this.

I haven’t wanted to be seen as being out there or too woo woo. The etheric or hippy-dippy part of me. Because I’m very knowledgeable and I believe I’m great at doing what I do. This is what I hear over and over from people I come in contact with. Very reaffirming, but it wasn’t until I could start to affirm it for myself first — that was a long and hard road. I used to like the hard route, the struggle, the suffering. The martyrdom of it all. It served my suffering and kept me in the victim role.

But this has been the missing link for me. This piece —  and damn if this isn’t a big piece of myself — the very core of me. I’ve been afraid because I do work with religious people and business people and I didn’t want them to be alienated by me being me. But I have to say “fuck that shit.” Life is too short to live my life based on others short-sightedness on how I can benefit those around me. I’m only here to show up and be my best self and serve from that place. If there is any of me hiding, then am I really showing up as my best self? A question you might want to ask yourself.

We hold back parts of ourselves all the time. Bringing the pieces back in is like a reunion with yourself all those long lost pieces. We can call them back and we do that by owning and loving all parts of us even the parts we might not like, or the parts we are sacred others with judge us for. Or the way we judge ourselves for.

We are living in extraordinary times and I know people are hungry to change. They often don’t know how or where to start. I’m a living testament of how much I’ve changed and continue to grow. I’m highly energetically sensitive. For so many out there that are just like me it can be a serious struggle if you don’t have the tools to navigate life with. But this is such a gift, and as I embrace all parts of me I can see how I am able to be of service.

I am also finding people are far more in tune than they give themselves credit for. We each have a role to play in remembering who we are and why we came to this planet to have this experience.

So as I bump up against another layer of conditioning as the ever-unfolding of me, coming out of the spiritual closet, I embrace it, I love it. I set myself free, again and again. This enables me to be of maximum service to those around me for the highest good of all.

 

Our Path, Our Purpose, Our calling

Our Path, Our Purpose, Our calling

In my work and overall, I meet people that struggle with these questions: “What is my path?” “What is my purpose?”

I want to be able to go into this, from my own story, to lend my experience in what this is and how it shows up in our lives and the world.

Our purpose or soul’s calling isn’t a person, place, or thing. When it comes to paths and purposes, we — in our great intellectual linear thoughts — want it all mapped out. We WANT to know, HAVE to know, and NEED to know. Seriously, life is a journey and there is an element of mystery and discovery to unveiling and peeling back the layers of self-discovery. The saying “Rome wasn’t built in a day” works well here. The masterpieces of our lives unfold. In this great unfolding the more we listen to the call and continue to listen and follow it’s guidance, we begin to dance this amazing joyful dance with life and our purpose and our path.

I didn’t wake up one morning and say,  “I want to be a healer, I want to be a coach, I want to….” fill in the blanks. I wrote a letter to my future self in the 6th grade. I was living in Alaska at the time and living life as a kid. We were asked to write what we wanted to be when we grew up. I wrote down three things. I figured I’m good at arguing both sides of situations. So I picked a lawyer. And to this day I can see both sides of an argument. I’m balanced in my viewpoint and possibly would make a good mediator.

The second thing I wanted to be was an artist. I’ve always had a sweet spot for drawing and painting. I’m a very creative person as I believe we all are until we shut it down. But reawakening these parts of ourselves is vital to us being our full selves.

The third thing was an actor. I really enjoyed being in plays when I was a kid. It was fun to pretend and put on a show.

I pursued none of these as professions and didn’t feel inspired to be any. I went to art school and dropped out because it didn’t feel like me. I didn’t feel I was pursuing what lit me up. Look at kids when they are 4-6: look at what lights them up.

That’s the energy we need to remember. The essence and truth of our pure being.

This somehow makes life more meaningful but we totally fail to realize we give life meaning from our own hearts. The experience of who we are comes into being and full expression to light our paths up.

Stop needing to know and the path unfolds right before your very eyes. Needing to know can be the very door that keeps your eyes from seeing the light to lead you to your next best step in the greatest unfolding. You are here to live. Be curious and follow joy. What brings your heart joy? Do that. And when you don’t know it’s time for you to spend some time rediscovering yourself.

When your heart calls, do you answer?

Some people might not know what it means to get called to action from your heart.

I was called to go on an adventure when I was in my early 20’s but I was scared. I did make a plan to do it but life happened and I didn’t follow this call until I was 34. It kept nudging me over the years to do it and I would push it down or ignore it. I’m sure there are lots of people who received these calls but have chosen to ignore them. Because life happens but when you consciously choose to stop ignoring and start listening that’s when life gets really interesting.

I’m not saying everyone needs a big adventure, but we all need to reconnect with the roots of who we are and push the boundaries of who we think we are, to become more than we ever thought possible.

What’s been nudging you to listen and act?

Are you willing to take one step in the direction to do that?

This is what is meant for us to follow our hearts. This is when you can live a life on purpose and be of service to those around you. This is when you start to feel that you are on your path.

Your life is about to take a great turn!

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