For a long time, I’ve kept myself in the spiritual closet, feeling I couldn’t speak about the things that make me light up. Why? Because of fear. Fear of being judged and fear of persecution.
See, I was eight I went through Catechism for Catholics. At the time (i’m not sure if they still do) you had to do confession with a Priest. So I take my confession and he asks me to confess my sins. I told him I didn’t have any. I mean what eight-year-old is a sinner? I don’t believe in the dogma that’s written by men. Sorry for you hardcore religious people out there.
It’s time for me to share my truth, my story. And through my journey, I’ve experienced GOD deeper than most people that attend church weekly. How do I know? I’ve had conversation after conversation with different people from devout religious organizations.
So the priest probes me and says to tell him something I’ve kept a secret and never told anyone.
I had to really think about it. What don’t I share? Ah, I can see and speak to spirits or ghost I told him.
The horror that came out of this man’s mouth. He asked, “Are you a devil worshiper?”
“No,” I said with tears streaming down my face.
“Well, only devil worshipers can do that.” Those words ring in my ears. Like a mantra that drills into my soul.
I remember sobbing and having the fear of God placed in me by a human, a mere man. As an adult, I realize that is not someone who is in alignment with God. Not then and not now.
As an adult, I’ve learned most children are closer to God than most adults I’ve ever met. They don’t need to be taught. But as adults, we need to spend time with years of unlearning.
So needless to say I did my best to cut off all the parts of me that made me, me. It’s like severing a part of your heart when you are condemned as a child. I succeeded for a short time until I was in my 20’s and it all started flooding back. You can only cut yourself off from yourself for so long until you shrivel up and die. A lot of people are dying and this is a huge part of this equation.
And it’s only recently that I’m starting to share my stories and really own my light. For I’ve kept myself quiet and in the dark for the majority of my life. Now is the time (it has been for a long time) to come out of the spiritual closet I’ve kept myself hidden in. As it is for many who will read this.
I haven’t wanted to be seen as being out there or too woo woo. The etheric or hippy-dippy part of me. Because I’m very knowledgeable and I believe I’m great at doing what I do. This is what I hear over and over from people I come in contact with. Very reaffirming, but it wasn’t until I could start to affirm it for myself first — that was a long and hard road. I used to like the hard route, the struggle, the suffering. The martyrdom of it all. It served my suffering and kept me in the victim role.
But this has been the missing link for me. This piece — and damn if this isn’t a big piece of myself — the very core of me. I’ve been afraid because I do work with religious people and business people and I didn’t want them to be alienated by me being me. But I have to say “fuck that shit.” Life is too short to live my life based on others short-sightedness on how I can benefit those around me. I’m only here to show up and be my best self and serve from that place. If there is any of me hiding, then am I really showing up as my best self? A question you might want to ask yourself.
We hold back parts of ourselves all the time. Bringing the pieces back in is like a reunion with yourself all those long lost pieces. We can call them back and we do that by owning and loving all parts of us even the parts we might not like, or the parts we are sacred others with judge us for. Or the way we judge ourselves for.
We are living in extraordinary times and I know people are hungry to change. They often don’t know how or where to start. I’m a living testament of how much I’ve changed and continue to grow. I’m highly energetically sensitive. For so many out there that are just like me it can be a serious struggle if you don’t have the tools to navigate life with. But this is such a gift, and as I embrace all parts of me I can see how I am able to be of service.
I am also finding people are far more in tune than they give themselves credit for. We each have a role to play in remembering who we are and why we came to this planet to have this experience.
So as I bump up against another layer of conditioning as the ever-unfolding of me, coming out of the spiritual closet, I embrace it, I love it. I set myself free, again and again. This enables me to be of maximum service to those around me for the highest good of all.