A mindful way to view self-love and how to bring the actions into your daily life with simple steps to help you cultivate a greater sense of self-love.
In today’s world and with the work I teach clients, self-love is taking center stage now. We are beginning to realize that loving ourselves is going to help us be more loving to others. That in truth how can you love someone else if you haven’t cultivated and developed some form of self-love?
When we begin to see ourselves as another would, or love ourselves as we love our friends, this opens up a capacity to grow our experience of self-love.
To take the journey of self-discovery is to open up to loving ourselves.
1. Set boundaries- When we care enough about our own well being we are able to say no to people and situations that aren’t healthy for us, that drain or deplete us rather than lift us up. Setting boundaries is a form of being empowered in your sense of self and thus you will love yourself more when you set limits and this fuels and grows that self-love. It can be challenging and often feels uncomfortable for people pleasers. We need to understand short-term gains don’t grow lasting results without some form of healthy boundaries in place.
2. Practice Good Self-Care- This looks like solid and balanced nutrition, eating whole healthy foods that nourish you. Some form of movement, learning to move your body in different ways teaches you to move your energy. Quality Sleep, Intimacy, human connections, and healthy relationships. Removing toxic people from your life.
3. Self-Acceptance- choosing to free ourselves from the burdens of the past. Regret and mistakes are teaching tools to help us grow if we can shift our perspective and allow acceptance to arise. We will be able to forgive ourselves and this is love.
4. Self-Forgiveness- We can begin to forgive ourselves only when we accept who and what we are now. All of our faults, missteps and should of would of could of. We are exactly where we are being exactly who we are meant to be in each and every moment. Let go of the self-hatred and self-criticizing. This is when we begin free ourselves and begin to forgive. Self-love in action.
5. Live Authentically and Intentionally- When we begin to live with purpose and desing which is living a heart centered life and letting your heart guide you. This grows self-love. Listening and acting from your heart. You don’t need to know your purpose if your intention is to live with greater joy follow what grows that inside you. If your intention is to live a healthy life follow what grows that for you. You will develop greater self-esteem and love for yourself when you see you are doing what you set out to do.
When my decisions started to grow greater Joy in my life I could see and feel that which was not in alignment with my heart come up to be healed and cleared in me. I continue to come back to each of these steps as a deeper understanding of myself grows over time. As I hold space for clients to move through these steps I am reminded how far I’ve come on my journey to growing self-love actualized in my life. That i can look in the mirror and say I love you and feel it in my core of my being.
This is my wish for you to see yourself and grow that love and appreciation and this will grow a greater Joy for you and you will be able to be that in the world.
The mirrored effect and the bullshit meter measuring stick.
Why the truth can feel like complete and utter bullshit when we are facing our conditioned responses to life? Our conditioned self is the programming we are taught and told and feel from a young age that’s been handed to us externally.
The truth can feel counter-intuitive when facing our false conditioning because our conditioning runs the show and runs so deep. It’s what drives us and as we begin to let go of our conditional self only then can we live free.
To be the most authentic version that we are designed to be. We need to take stock of what’s running our lives currently.
Our stories are wrapped so deep through our thinking and being that we’ve identified ourselves as them; so we can’t see the forest for the trees until we are smack dab in the mix of it.
Facing our conditioning requires a few things from us.
1. Awareness is the first step, but just the beginning.
Developing the Inner witness and Observer helps us see from a different perspective.
As our perspective shifts only then can we begin to let go of the attachments around the conditioned self. The reason there are attachments because it has served us and in serving us it becomes a part of our identity with the egoic-self.
2. Loving ourselves in our awareness of our conditioned self.
Why this is so essential but can be the most challenging part?
When we begin to love ourselves at this moment, just as we are we will begin to untangle from the attachments of why we bought into the conditioning in the first place; which is most likely rooted in a not enoughness or a too-muchness feeling space. Often loaded with: shame, anger, guilt, just to name a few emotions entwined with our experiences.
This is what acceptance looks and feels like but so difficult for so many to accept feeling shamed or rage or guilt. This is why forgiveness is challenging because this is another layer of acceptance. This is a huge part of the self-love work I teach so clients can begin to actualize this and set themselves free.
3. The power of choice to shift and change because love can and will dissolve it.
Now can be replaced with a new energy that comes from your heart space. An emptiness that is already full. This is when our spirit or soul essence fills us up.
4. Acting by affirming this new energy from your heart which is your truth.
How do you act from your heart? You listen and follow it which is a different feeling than an automatic response based in Fear. Practice from this space it doesn’t happen overnight it takes conscious effort to live from here. This is part of living the Unconditioned self.
Taking these steps helps you to actualize your authentic self as the dominant energy you express. Instead of the conditioned self that’s based in fear.
Sounds easy but it can be challenging. Our growth is often challenging and rewarding because reaping the benefits of a heart-centered life is the greatest gift of all and anything less feels dissatisfying. It’s like eating a meal when you wanted a piece of chocolate cake.
We are full already but we need to get unconditioned to experience the truth of who we are. Layer by layer, we unfold by letting go and shaking off the past.
This is the great awakening that is taking place right now.
Can you feel it?
Feel free to reach out if you have any questions with this process or would like me to walk you through a session. I love holding space if you feel called to remember your greatness.
The Healing Benefits of Receiving
I’m at a place on my path that I still struggle with receiving from time to time. But as it has shown up in my life over and over again as a way to protect myself, I’ve learned to sit up and reflect to take notice.
In the past few months I’ve shared a session or gifted someone with healing work I do, but they’ve passed on it. This has helped me reflect on how we often turn away that which will be most healing for us.
We are not here do it alone. To constantly think we need to go it alone actually pushes away the very thing that we’ve been calling into our lives for healing and growth.
Some people on the spiritual path will turn it down because it’s showing up outside of them as another person.
The journey inward doesn’t mean that what we seek doesn’t show up on the outside from time to time. This is exactly what it means to have our inward life express itself on the outside, reflecting back to us our inner dynamics.
It’s not about seeking it. But when the opportunity shows up, learning to gratefully receive helps to expand your ability to heal from within and grow your heart space in honoring your path.
For someone who has struggled with receiving help and letting people in, I can speak to this subject with great clarity.
When I do continue to let the abundant and loving Universe show up and provide me with all I need on my path, I expand in my capacity to show up and give more of myself than I ever thought possible.
Most people find it more comfortable giving than receiving — this can come as a way to manipulate power and control over others.
We’ve deemed giving as being more important, more honorable and notable — that you are somehow less when you accept and open to a receiving role. So much so that Facebook has turned people’s birthdays into a charitable donation space. This is wonderful, but another way we use giving as being more important than receiving.
And now that everyone is doing it, do you do it because you want to or because you want to be seen as giving and generous?
So why is the role of receiving looked down upon? How can one truly give from a heart center space if no one is on the receiving end to receive those gifts of the heart? It’s not about the thing, it’s about an exchange of energy.
When we reject the very thing we long for and often don’t realize it, we are inadvertently continuing to say we aren’t worthy. We aren’t worthy of our love. This comes back to the premise that we are all connected, the expression of Oneness and the energy of all that is. By rejecting what shows up in front of you, you are inadvertently rejecting a part of yourself.
The only way in is through: through the lies and conditions we’ve been fed that we aren’t worthy. Accept the experiences that show up to teach us and remind us of the truth. This isn’t a thought. We must live it and experience it.
Gone are the days when the spiritual path meant to go live in a fucking cave or forest or desert for days, weeks, and years. Our journey with 7 billion people on the planet means we are creating a life to have a journey inward through its outward expression and being present with what is presenting itself to us daily. The dance of being the light and reflecting it.
Yes, stretches of silence are therapeutic, and as a teacher of meditation alone time is vital. But, not a way to hide what we are calling to experience.
We are here at this time in our world to be connected and supported. We are being called to show up together collectively to strengthen the light within, to shine it, to transform the world we wish to live in versus the one we are in currently.
I know my purpose. Many don’t. Your purpose doesn’t equal a paying job. It’s part of your calling. Its human expression is to be as close to a divine light made manifest as possible.
The road to lightening up is letting go, and sometimes holding space for each of us to receive is a part of why we are here to hold each other’s hands.
Be open to receiving. When it’s showing up in your life, it’s there to teach you that you are loved. This is a part of the self-love journey. Receiving is as important as giving.
When we receive and remember the truth of who we are, we can begin to give in a way that we have never given before. As a whole and healed complete heart.
I hear clients say “I don’t want to look at the past. The past is in the past, it can’t be changed.” I disagree: It can be changed. We can change everything.
All-time exists NOW. If all time is now, then absolutely you can change the past. Our past lives in our perceptions, and we can change what we see by learning to make peace with it — by giving ourselves the ability to feel all that we couldn’t feel then.
If we allow ourselves to feel the feelings that we’ve stored through our trauma and pain — by being present with it now and letting it go — we no longer need to hang on to all those feeling we couldn’t experience from ages 0 to 8.
It’s not about reliving the past. Your past is informing your NOW all the time. As we continue to carry around those feelings and experiences we will throw them into our future. We will continue to relive it with different people and situations, but it’s the same energy that’s presenting itself in our lives.
When we are triggered with anger and hurt in our NOW it is almost never about what triggered us. But that it’s a familiar feeling touching a wound. It’s an opportunity for us to become aware of what’s wanting to be noticed.
Our bodies are great indicators of how we continue to carry our past with us: excessive weight, fatigue, addictions, disease, pain. These are red flags that your subconscious is trying to speak to you and you aren’t listening.
We haven’t been taught tools to navigate our inner psyches and we are here now remembering our true selves.
I have clients ask two simple questions when you are triggered:
- When did I first feel this feeling? This will tie back to the original emotional experience, or wounding. Just asking this question doesn’t mean you need to relive the trauma. Rather, it pulls up the stored emotions that you were unable to feel at the time. This is where healing happens.
- Where is it in my body? We store trauma and pain in our body and this helps to heal it on a cellular level.
Most of the clients I work with need a little guidance in the beginning with a session to pull it up. But most people have been triggered in their present: They can bring an incident up and begin there.
Start in the Now, because most likely you’ve been carrying years of pain with you unacknowledged. We are really good at hiding from ourselves. Remember: It’s not about the “Why.” The “why” activates victim consciousness and the small self. It’s about acknowledging what’s been hidden to experience the feelings and let it go.
This is why the past matters and why being present in the Now helps to let it go. This creates space in your life for New Beginnings.
It’s ultimately what surrendering feels like. I think sometimes people have an idea of surrender as giving up. Rather, it’s an allowing of all that is present and to be with it wholly now. This is the art of surrender.
It feels new and different with each layer and each experience…as if we are experiencing surrender for the first time.
Michael Singer has a book out called The Surrender Experience. It’s a phenomenal story of his life: With each experience, he goes deeper inside and let’s go of his wants or needs to make changes to the external. Anything that triggers him he becomes present with it and let’s go of the need to control it. Just allowing where he is at and what he feels to be present.
This is at the core of the work I am currently doing with clients. Shifting energy, patterns, and perspectives. Remembering the lost art of letting go and being present with what is. So your New Now can be informed no longer from your wounds of your past.
If you feel that any of this speaks to you or you would like a free Breakthrough session please reach out. I would love to walk you through releasing your past to make room for the New that wants to emerge in your life.
The role Fear plays in our lives and being able to access the deep meaning from it.
I had someone come to me and ask me some questions about Fear recently.
Him “How do we know we have faced our fears?”
Me “When we are living a life closest to our heart and most Authentic self.”
Him “Why is it important to face our fears?”
Me “To bring us to our truth inside ourselves.”
Him “Do we even think we have fears?”
Me “We think we have Fears but most of them are imagined.”
Him ”And how come it is important to think in these terms or value our progress in these terms?”
Me “Once you’ve come to a place that you have conquered your deepest fears you live in a place of Freedom and truth. This is the dance we call life.”
It is said in a course of miracles that Fear is a call to Love.
But what if Fear is THE CALL??
What if Fear is a gateway from Heaven and Hell and what I mean by this the heaven and hell that we currently living within the perimeters of our experiences in the right here and now. Not the one that religion has distorted.
These gateways help you transverse the souls calling. Your purpose and what you are here to do.
What if what you are deeply afraid of is what you are here to do?
What if it’s your biggest gift and you receiving it is being able to give back to the world as a part of your path?
Fear is apart of the Duality of our world.
For me, Fear has always been a part of my journey. I didn’t grow up in a warm fuzzy environment. That doesn’t mean I blame my parents. I love both of my parents, but I didn’t grow up feeling safe so in my experience I’ve registered my world through the lens of Fear.
I wouldn’t know my life without it. I’m sure there are plenty of others who will read this and feel the same. You can’t be human without Fear we are wired for it. This is why we fight like hell to keep and hold onto comfort and resist change. For it scares the hell out of our little human minds.
I’ve never met anyone that willing walks into the fire so they can experience an ego death. And most soul growth will challenge you to do this again and again. Some will say you die once and others like me say you learn to surrender again and again.
There is the fight or flight fear where our adrenals are pumping massive amounts of cortisol through our body to help us with the stress we are enduring and then there is the idea of FEAR. We are afraid of what something might be like. So it’s an imagined state.
This imagined state is where a lot of power is. If we can learn to change our thinking around an imagined situation or a preconceived idea then we can learn to dismantle the fear that lives in our minds this way.
I use Fear as a marker, it helps me realize I’m heading in the right direction to dismantle false belief systems, past conditioning and overall what’s holding me back.
Either you learn to harness fear for your benefit or it has a hold on you and controls your choices and keeps you repeating patterns of conditioning from an unconscious perspective.
That’s why there are sayings like do what you are most afraid of and magic happens outside your comfort zone. Because either Fear is a motivator or it’s a deterrent and if you put Fear in its place you begin to conquer it.
For a long time, I’ve kept myself in the spiritual closet, feeling I couldn’t speak about the things that make me light up. Why? Because of fear. Fear of being judged and fear of persecution.
See, I was eight I went through Catechism for Catholics. At the time (i’m not sure if they still do) you had to do confession with a Priest. So I take my confession and he asks me to confess my sins. I told him I didn’t have any. I mean what eight-year-old is a sinner? I don’t believe in the dogma that’s written by men. Sorry for you hardcore religious people out there.
It’s time for me to share my truth, my story. And through my journey, I’ve experienced GOD deeper than most people that attend church weekly. How do I know? I’ve had conversation after conversation with different people from devout religious organizations.
So the priest probes me and says to tell him something I’ve kept a secret and never told anyone.
I had to really think about it. What don’t I share? Ah, I can see and speak to spirits or ghost I told him.
The horror that came out of this man’s mouth. He asked, “Are you a devil worshiper?”
“No,” I said with tears streaming down my face.
“Well, only devil worshipers can do that.” Those words ring in my ears. Like a mantra that drills into my soul.
I remember sobbing and having the fear of God placed in me by a human, a mere man. As an adult, I realize that is not someone who is in alignment with God. Not then and not now.
As an adult, I’ve learned most children are closer to God than most adults I’ve ever met. They don’t need to be taught. But as adults, we need to spend time with years of unlearning.
So needless to say I did my best to cut off all the parts of me that made me, me. It’s like severing a part of your heart when you are condemned as a child. I succeeded for a short time until I was in my 20’s and it all started flooding back. You can only cut yourself off from yourself for so long until you shrivel up and die. A lot of people are dying and this is a huge part of this equation.
And it’s only recently that I’m starting to share my stories and really own my light. For I’ve kept myself quiet and in the dark for the majority of my life. Now is the time (it has been for a long time) to come out of the spiritual closet I’ve kept myself hidden in. As it is for many who will read this.
I haven’t wanted to be seen as being out there or too woo woo. The etheric or hippy-dippy part of me. Because I’m very knowledgeable and I believe I’m great at doing what I do. This is what I hear over and over from people I come in contact with. Very reaffirming, but it wasn’t until I could start to affirm it for myself first — that was a long and hard road. I used to like the hard route, the struggle, the suffering. The martyrdom of it all. It served my suffering and kept me in the victim role.
But this has been the missing link for me. This piece — and damn if this isn’t a big piece of myself — the very core of me. I’ve been afraid because I do work with religious people and business people and I didn’t want them to be alienated by me being me. But I have to say “fuck that shit.” Life is too short to live my life based on others short-sightedness on how I can benefit those around me. I’m only here to show up and be my best self and serve from that place. If there is any of me hiding, then am I really showing up as my best self? A question you might want to ask yourself.
We hold back parts of ourselves all the time. Bringing the pieces back in is like a reunion with yourself all those long lost pieces. We can call them back and we do that by owning and loving all parts of us even the parts we might not like, or the parts we are sacred others with judge us for. Or the way we judge ourselves for.
We are living in extraordinary times and I know people are hungry to change. They often don’t know how or where to start. I’m a living testament of how much I’ve changed and continue to grow. I’m highly energetically sensitive. For so many out there that are just like me it can be a serious struggle if you don’t have the tools to navigate life with. But this is such a gift, and as I embrace all parts of me I can see how I am able to be of service.
I am also finding people are far more in tune than they give themselves credit for. We each have a role to play in remembering who we are and why we came to this planet to have this experience.
So as I bump up against another layer of conditioning as the ever-unfolding of me, coming out of the spiritual closet, I embrace it, I love it. I set myself free, again and again. This enables me to be of maximum service to those around me for the highest good of all.